We are in week 2 of 2017 and I have no idea how I got here. I did not ask for a new year. I am not ready for a new start. I do not have energy and focus and drive for a new beginning. Frankly, I am exhausted. Dragged through the mud, wrung dry and draped unceremoniously and quite limply over the divide between last year and this new year.

There is a scene from the animated movie “Inside Out” where the character called ‘Sadness’ is so overwrought with negative emotion that she can’t even get herself up off the floor to continue the journey she’s on with the character called ‘Joy’. Watch:

So, right now I find myself staring into the abyss which is 2017 much like Sadness is staring into the maze of Long Term Memory. And I can’t get up off the floor. The last two months of 2016 have sucked all the joy, creativity, positivity and determination right out of me. And despite not wanting to be here yet, 2017 has forced itself upon me with astonishing speed and incredible lack of sympathy.

I’m simply not ready to be here.

My devotion yesterday from ‘Jesus Today’ was so appropriate to my situation. (As it always is – that strange miracle of necessary message and perfect timing that God bestows regularly.) It said, “Trust me here and now. You are in rigorous training-on an adventurous trail designed for you alone. This path is not of your choosing, but it is My way for you. I am doing things you can’t understand. That is why I say, “Trust Me!”

But I don’t want to be here.

I am reminded of ‘The Hobbit’ where Gandolph announces “I am looking for someone to share in an adventure that I am arranging…” and Bilbo Baggins responds, “We are plain quiet folk and have no use for adventures. Nasty disturbing uncomfortable things! Make you late for dinner! I can’t think what anybody sees in them,” and later more clearly states, “Sorry! I don’t want any adventures. Thank you. Not today. Good Morning!…”

This is where I am.

Staring 2017 in the face and quite clearly stating my displeasure at being so rudely plopped here into a new year of opportunity and adventure for which my soul is not ready. I’m sure you realize as I do that I have no choice in the matter. Time marches inexorably on whether we wish it to or not.

I don’t like this state of being. I miss my joy and creativity and positivity. I missed my usual excitement at transitioning from one year to the next. So I’m praying for peace and comfort and energy in the face of this journey I’m currently on. I hope there is great beauty at the end. Or at least a discernible lesson that I can look back on and see positive character growth.

But I’m not there yet.